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What Is Your Ideal Outcome?

Welcome back! As always, we’re starting today with a moment of gratitude. This week, I want to thank someone very special to me, my assistant Emmy Thiel. She told me earlier today that she’s taking another opportunity outside of the company we’ve worked with for the last three years. I was angry and frustrated when she told me. I told her I didn’t approve because she’s been the backbone to me these last three years.

As I sat thinking, “What am I grateful for?” and reflecting on the past week, I realized this is an opportunity to test myself. I’m grateful for the last three years we’ve had together, for the personal relationship we’ve built, and for how she maximized our time and minimized our effort. We accomplished great things together.

One of my mentors always told me, there’s no such thing as good news or bad news, only new information and what you do with it. My initial feelings were of doubt, fear, frustration, and loss. Now, the goal is to articulate those feelings in a positive manner, showing gratitude and optimism. Emmy is great at what she does, and I have faith the company she worked for will find someone close enough to her to continue our success.

So, my moment of gratitude goes towards Emmy. My challenge to you is to find someone irreplaceable in your life and tell them how much they mean to you. I’ve often told Emmy how much I appreciate her, and it feels good to share that with everyone as I face this personal and professional loss.

Now, let’s get into the business end of things. I do keynote speaking, and that’s one of the reasons I come on this show every week. I love to give away tips and tricks for free. Ultimately, I want to get inside your businesses, organizations, and conferences to do workshops and keynote speeches. From panel discussions to 45-minute keynotes to four-hour workshops, I’m here to help.

The main workshop gaining traction is about the language of leadership. How do we as leaders empower ourselves and those around us? How do we use lessons in leadership to be most effective and empower our teams, partners, and organizations? Bringing in third-party speakers for teaching, training, coaching, and mentoring is a great way to enhance your employee experience. So, email or call me. You can find all that stuff here on my website, including my speaker reel and speaker sheet. I’d love to have a conversation with you.

Let’s dive into the meat and potatoes of the day—your feelings. There’s a phrase, “fuck your feelings,” but that’s not the case here. We lean into our feelings, not our reactions or emotions. I want to teach you a strategy to articulate your feelings with words.

Whether it’s with children, significant others, customers, or colleagues, people often share a lot of information. How do we pick out the critical pieces, find the controllable information, and develop a course of action? The challenge starts with you. When you feel a certain way, how do you express your feelings and get others to express theirs?

One effective method is asking, “What is your ideal outcome?” When someone is spiraling, once they’ve unloaded their thoughts, ask this simple question. Sometimes they just want to be heard, vent, or figure things out. This gives you a starting point to dissect their situation—what did they want that they didn’t get? What were their unmet expectations?

In business, when a customer is upset, acknowledge their feelings without apologizing. After their initial outburst, ask, “What is your ideal outcome?” Keep returning to that question to focus the conversation and find a resolution. For example, if a customer says you scratched their floor, ask, “What is your ideal outcome?” They might say, “Fix the scratch.” Simple solutions like this can resolve the issue and make everyone happy.

Jordan Peterson talks about how people react out of frustration, operating from a place of scarcity and anger. I experienced this last week when my mom was upset. I reacted with frustration, but once I asked myself, “What is my ideal outcome?” I realized I needed to address the person who upset her. This led to a productive conversation, resolving the issue.

Reflecting on your feelings helps you understand why you’re frustrated. Use the sentence, “I feel this way when you…” to articulate your feelings without blaming the other person. This method applies to all aspects of life. For example, I felt disrespected when a former employee associated with someone who wronged me. Articulating my feelings this way allowed for a constructive conversation.

Expressing gratitude works the same way. For instance, “I feel fulfilled when my assistant Emmy solves problems for me before they become issues.” Use this language to reinforce positive behavior in relationships.

Start by using “I feel when you” in a positive manner. Tell someone, “I feel loved when you give me a hug unprompted.” This opens the door for meaningful communication and vulnerability.

Combining these methodologies—asking “What is your ideal outcome?” and articulating “I feel when you”—empowers you to handle frustration and build better relationships. When you face frustration or encounter someone who is struggling, use these tools to find solutions and communicate effectively.

As always, we’re going to do the fucking thing, tell the fucking world, and when it all comes down to it; we’re going to show the fuck up every week. See you next week!

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Andy Weins

Andy Weins is a fourth-generation entrepreneur, Veteran of the U.S. Army, and speaker. Through consulting, teaching, podcasting, and writing, he is an enthusiastic supporter of Veterans, entrepreneurs, community engagement, individual empowerment, and the environment.

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